Whole Lotta ShepWhump
by scarlet79
Summary: A perfectly-random collection of one-shots about Sheppard getting whumped. The more twisted half of my brain decided to show up and torture my poor Fly-boy, in various and assorted ways. Reviews are SO welcome! 2 *New* Chapters!
1. ShepWhump: Migraines

_AN: Hey everyone! It's been a while, I know, but life really has a way of interfering with best-laid plans! Anywho, I've been in a very Whumpy mood lately, especially after catching my fav episode of Atlantis - _38 Minutes_! So, with a few ideas from my sis-in-law, I decided to do a bunch of one-shots of Shep getting the stuffing knocked out of him in as many ways as I could think of! Don't worry, he'll also get lots of comfort, and there's some humor in there, too, so it's pretty well-rounded!_

_Enjoy, and as always, read and review!  
><em>

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><p><span>Migraines<span>

Teyla unzipped the front panel of her tent and cautiously peered outside. It was still dark out on the alien planet, and the fire she had helped build had burned down to little more than a few large coals. Slowly, she scanned the woods around her for the source of the noises that had awakened her, but it was so dark that she could see only a few feet in front of her.

Carefully, she slipped out of the tent and went to investigate, stopping only long enough to slide on her shoes. She passed Rodney's tent first, listening for his familiar snoring. Satisfied that he was still inside, and that he was not the cause of the noises, she continued on to Ronon's tent. He also was sleeping soundly, one hand curled around the butt of his gun and the other laid under his head. Teyla smiled; at least he was always prepared.

Finally, she reached Sheppard's tent, but when she looked inside she found it empty. Her heart skipped a beat and then began to pound hard in her chest. Glancing around wildly, as if she expected Wraith to come pouring out of the forest, she wondered where he could have gone.

"John?" She called softly into the trees around her. "John, where are you?"

When no answer came, she took a moment to decide whether she should wake the others, then chose to let them sleep until she was certain that Sheppard was in danger. Using his tent as a starting point, she began to search for the colonel, with only the light of the moon to guide her.

A dozen yards into the forest, she stopped as she again heard the strange noise. It was coming from just beyond the large tree in front of her – a strangled sound, followed by… rustling? Even so close, she could not be sure of what she was hearing.

Teyla edged around the tree, and immediately saw Sheppard standing a few feet away, his back turned toward her. His white t-shirt clung to his skin, soaked either with his sweat or with moisture from the humid night air, and he was barefoot.

"John!" She breathed, glad to have found him, yet confused as to why he was out here in the first place. She took a step toward him, but he held up his hand and she stood still. When she heard him groan, then saw the muscles in his back tense up and his torso bend forward at the waist, she finally figured out what the noise had been.

Sheppard coughed and spat, then muttered, "Damned migraines."

Her heart wringing painfully for him, Teyla went forward and gently touched his shoulder. As he leaned heavily against a tree to catch his breath, he took her hand and guided it to the back of his neck, which, despite the warm weather, was freezing.

"Why did you not wake one of us?" She quietly asked him.

He shook his head, his eyes squeezed shut. "Couldn't bother you." She caught the way he had replied, only mentioning herself, but she let it pass without comment for now. "Besides, I didn't have time."

"You are _never_ a bother, John."

He was about to answer, when the rest of the color in his face suddenly drained away. He had just enough time to turn away before his stomach emptied itself again on the ground.

"That's nice of you to say," he managed a few minutes later, when he was once more resting against the tree.

"It is true." Teyla took his hand then, and found the pressure point for easing migraines. Massaging it with the tips of her fingers, she watched his face carefully, rejoicing as the tense lines in his forehead were slowly ironed out. When he had finally regained some of his strength, Teyla slowly led him by the hand back to their campsite.

Not long after, they reached his tent, and she helped him lie down on top of his sleeping bag, then went back outside to fetch him some water. He drank it gratefully, and as he handed the cup back to her, he murmured, "Thank you, Teyla."

"You are welcome, John," she replied with a nod of her head. She leaned down and pulled out the blanket she'd grabbed from her tent, spreading it over his legs. "Now, get some rest."

Teyla moved to leave, but he caught hold of her wrist. "Wait."

She turned back to him, the moonlight shining just enough for her to see the panic in his eyes. He must have figured out what she had seen, for he quickly dropped her hand and looked away. "I just…um…"

Hiding a grin, she nodded sympathetically and said, "I could stay with you for a while, if you wish."

Sheppard simply nodded in return, so she shifted to a more comfortable position beside him, her hands resting lightly on her folded knees. She let her eyes drift closed, her mind focusing on nothing but her own breathing. It was quiet for so long that she had almost fallen asleep sitting up, her chin nearly touching her chest.

"Teyla?" Sheppard asked then, and her head immediately snapped back up.

"Yes?"

"Just wondered if you were still here."

"I am," she replied. "Go to sleep."

His elbow bumped her thigh as he shifted uncomfortably under the blanket. "I will. But…" His voice was quiet, and it made her nervous.

"Do you need to leave the tent again?"

He chuckled softly. "No. I just wanted to know…would you do that thing with my hand again?"

"Of course," Teyla breathed. She felt for his hand, and when she found it, began to knead the correct pressure point again. She heard him sigh, comforted by her firm but gentle touch, and she smiled in the darkness. Slowly, his breathing evened out, but even so, she knew he was not sleeping.

As if to confirm that point, he said, "Could you maybe not tell the guys about this? Ronon would never shut up if he knew I nearly threw up all over you."

"I will not speak of it," she assured him.

"Thanks."

"Now," she ordered, frustration evident in her voice, "sleep. You will feel better by morning, I guarantee it."

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><p><em>Whew! Migraines suck...I should know - I live with a man who gets them all the time. Sorry it's so short, but that's really where the story decided to end. Now, onto the next one-shot! It's longer, I swear!<br>_


	2. ShepWhump: Poison

_AN: See, I told you this one was longer! Enjoy the Whumpage!_

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><p><span>Poisoned<span>

"What happened?" Rodney asked, as Ronon dumped a barely-conscious Sheppard on the floor of the cave.

"Poison."

"Poison?" Rodney echoed. "How?"

Ronon shrugged and started gathering sticks for kindling. "Food from the village, I guess." He snapped a large branch in half and tossed it on the pile. "One minute, he was talking with someone, and the next, he was on the ground, gasping for breath."

Teyla stripped off her field jacket and tried to lay it over Sheppard's chest, but he pushed it away. "Too hot," he complained.

Frustrated, she looked to Ronon, who merely shook his head, and she gave up. She settled instead for wiping the sweat from Sheppard's forehead.

"He is very pale," she observed. Rodney knelt down beside her, intent on seeing for himself just how bad his friend was. His fretting only got worse when he took in Sheppard's condition, though he managed to hide it for the colonel's sake.

"And shaky," Rodney added thoughtfully. "My guess is some kind of toxic fruit, maybe a berry." He peered straight into Sheppard's unfocused eyes. "John, did you eat any berries in the village?"

Sheppard shook his head weakly. "No. Just some bread, and a cup of tea."

Teyla's head snapped up. "Tea? Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he replied, his voice quiet and raspy.

"What?" Rodney asked, as Teyla jumped up and made her way to the mouth of the cave. "What's wrong?"

"There are certain kinds of tea that can be prepared, the ingredients of which create the symptoms John is experiencing."

"On purpose?" Rodney squeaked. "Why would anyone do that?"

He followed Teyla out into the forest, where she began to collect various kinds of plants and bark.

"Many reasons," she explained as she worked.

"Such as?"

Teyla sighed. "To rid one's self of an enemy. Or, to allow one's spirit to visit the land of the Ancestors."

The physicist's eyes grew wide. "What, like an acid trip?"

When she peered at him curiously, he waved his hand and explained, "It, uh, makes you hallucinate…you know, see things that aren't there."

Finally, she nodded in understanding. "Precisely like your 'acid trip', then. When a person drinks the tea, their limbs become weak, their breathing slower. Eventually, they fall into a deep sleep, and often have visions." She bent over and grabbed a slender-looking stalk from the base of a tree, pulling it from the ground with a single, hard yank. "But that is not what I am worried about."

"What now?"

"I fear that the colonel has been given too much of the plant that causes these symptoms. It may not have been on purpose, but I am concerned that the damage has already been done."

"And that goes back to the 'rid one's self of their enemy'," Rodney guessed, scratching at a bug-bite on his forehead.

Teyla nodded. "Which is why I am collecting the makings of an antidote."

"Okay, so it's curable, then?"

"Only if he gets the antidote very soon. Once the plant has gone through his entire system, there will be no way to help him."

Rodney mimicked a deer in headlights as he stared at her. Then, he glanced around and rubbed his hands together. "Well, then, tell me what to do to help."

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><p>Rodney and Ronon paced in front of the small fire, where Teyla stirred a clay pot full of a brown liquid. Nearby, Sheppard's body shivered violently, sweat plastering his dark brown hair to his forehead. Time was running out – everyone inside the cave was well aware of that. They had already contacted Atlantis through the Stargate, but Keller decided that moving Colonel Sheppard could speed up the delivery of the toxin through his body, and so instructed them to let Teyla try her method first. If it did not work, then they had her permission to bring him back to the city, where she would attempt to cure him.<p>

"It is ready," Teyla finally said, drawing quiet sighs of relief from the two men before her. She dipped a cup into the pot, then added a little cool water to it before stepping over to where Sheppard lay. She knelt beside him, setting the cup down so she could use both hands to help him sit up. When he was upright, she again lifted the cup of tea and held it to his lips.

"You must drink the entire cup," she told him, and then held the cup as he obeyed her. She was forced to stop once, when he swallowed wrong and began choking on the strong tea. Rodney uttered a single, sharp cry of fear, but Sheppard managed to catch his breath, and Rodney resumed his pacing, veering carefully around Ronon's own pacing path. Sheppard gestured for Teyla to continue feeding him. She did, and soon he had drained the cup of its contents, leaving nothing but a few stray leaves on the bottom.

"How soon until we know it worked?" Ronon asked then.

Casting a sidelong glance at Sheppard, who gave her a weak, lopsided grin, she took a breath and replied, "Not too long. But there is another step that needs to be done."

"What is it?"

"I need you both to go into the woods and bring back a special plant."

Rodney immediately stepped forward. "We'll do it. What does it look like?"

"It is a small plant, close to the ground. There are five petals on each flower, and they are a very light pink. But do _not_, under any circumstances, pick the purple ones."

Rodney nodded in understanding. "Okay, got it. Small plant, five pink petals. But no purple flowers."

"That is correct."

"We'll be right back," he assured both her and Sheppard. As he and Ronon stepped out of the cave, he waved at her and repeated, "No purple flowers!"

Teyla nodded back. When they were gone, she leaned back against the cave wall and breathed out a sigh.

"What're…flowers for?" Sheppard asked her, and she looked down and smiled.

"To get them out of here. Their pacing was beginning to bother me."

"Diabolical," he sighed.

"I also did not think you wanted them to see the antidote's effects on you." She pulled her field jacket over his shoulders, and this time he did not protest. "First, the tremors will become worse, but only for a few moments."

"Great."

She gave him an apologetic glance. "That is not the worst part. You may also become sick to your stomach." As she pulled an empty pot closer to him, she lifted an eyebrow and added, "Very sick."

He groaned and shut his eyes. "Very great."

"I am sorry, John. But it is the only way to rid your body of the poison."

"It's…" he cut himself off and looked down at his arms, which had just begun to shake more fiercely than before. A moment later, his legs followed suit, and his gaze shifted to her face, a panicked look clouding his eyes. Though she had warned him about what was now happening, it was still frightening for him to actually experience it.

Quickly, she pulled his upper half onto her lap, wrapping her arms loosely around his trembling body. "It is all right," she soothed, stroking the side of his face with the backs of her fingers.

"T…Tey…la," he stuttered. He tried to reach for her, but his limbs were too jittery, too uncontrollable, and he failed miserably to catch hold of her.

She let her fingers press harder against his skin, feeling the sharp stubble on his jaw scrape against her knuckles. "Shh. I am here with you, John."

He finally managed to grab of one of her arms, his fingers digging hard into her bicep, but she ignored the pain. Though she knew there would be a bruise there later, she still let him hang on; the only thing that mattered to her right then was making him feel safe. It seemed to help; even as his body shook uncontrollably, he let his eyes slide closed, and his heartbeat slowed back to his normal rhythm.

Slowly, as seconds turned into minutes, his tremors quieted, then stopped altogether. His hand fell away from her arm, and he lay his head in her lap, panting as if he'd just run a marathon. She quickly wiped away the tears of empathy that blurred her vision, then dug into Rodney's pack for the spare t-shirt she knew he kept inside. When she found it, she pulled it out and used a corner of it to gently dry Sheppard's sweat-dampened face.

"Tired," he told her as she dipped the shirt into a cup of water and then dabbed at his lip, which he had bitten unknowingly during his episode.

"I know," she replied sadly, "but you must stay awake for a little while longer."

"Can't." His trademark puppy-dog look gazed up at her. "Please?"

At the pitiful look in his eyes, Teyla closed her mouth tight, stifling the sob that threatened to escape, and shook her head. "I am sorry. But I promise, this will all be over soon."

Sheppard stared at her for a few seconds longer, then, resigned to his fate, closed his eyes and let his head fall to the side. Teyla stroked the soft skin of his temple right where it met his hair, praying to the Ancestors – or anyone else, for that matter – that she would have the strength and knowledge to help Sheppard through this. As soon as she had opened her eyes again, she was aware that he was breathing more deeply, more slowly, as if he was actively trying to calm himself, and she glanced down at the side of his face.

"John? Are you all right?"

He moved his head against her lap, and she knew he had tried to shake it. "Stomach."

"Is it a sharp pain, or a dull ache?"

"Both." He slowly pulled his legs up, curling in on himself. "Feel like dying."

She wisely said nothing, only continued to soothe him. Soon, however, he quickly pushed her hand away and sat up, grabbing the nearby pot and dry-heaving into it. Meanwhile, Teyla busied herself with wetting Rodney's spare shirt and wringing it out. She let him collapse against her again, this time sitting up with his head against her chest. She laid the wet cloth across the back of his neck, and he gave a quiet sigh.

"Teyla?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. You didn't have to do this."

She smiled, though he couldn't see it. "I could not leave you to try and deal with this on your own." She patted his hand, then laid hers on top of it. "Still, you are welcome."

He looked over and saw the contents of Rodney's pack strewn around them. "He's gonna have a fit, you know."

Teyla giggled softly. "Yes, but he will, as you say, 'get over it'."

Twenty-five minutes and three bouts of dry-heaves later, Sheppard finally felt well enough to try and eat something. Teyla pulled a packet of instant broth out of her bag and ripped it open, then dumped the contents into a cup and added some warm water. As she handed it to him, they both heard footsteps approaching the cave entrance, and Sheppard's eyebrow shot up.

"They're back."

Teyla said nothing, only smiling impishly in return. Ronon walked in first, the delicate flowers Teyla had asked for cupped carefully in his palms. He set them down gently in front of her, and she nodded serenely, drawing a large smile from the man.

Rodney soon appeared as well, his face reddened and covered in perspiration. When his eyes had adjusted to the dim interior of the cave, he glanced around, curious. Finally figuring out what was different, his eyebrows angrily knit together over his eyes.

"Hey!" He shouted, "What the hell happened to my pack?"

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><p><em>On to the next!<em>


	3. ShepWhump: Stunners

_AN: Next "chapter"...that makes three! No sickness this time, but he still somehow ends up in the infirmary! Figures! Anyway, as always R&R, folks!_

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><p><span>Stunned<span>

Shots from Wraith stunners rang out around the group of Lanteans, smashing into the trees just over their heads. Ronon ducked as a burst just missed hitting him in the face, then grabbed Sheppard's vest, dragging him backwards into more dense cover.

"He's out!" He shouted to Carter, who nodded solemnly and then returned to helping Major Lorne hold back the main group of Wraith soldiers. Her P-90 fired until it was empty, the sound of the bullets peppering the soldiers' armor echoing through the small valley.

As she loaded another clip, she turned back to Ronon and shouted, "Get him through the Gate!"

Ronon grunted in reply, though she never heard it. He timed the Wraiths' shots, and when he found an opening, he tossed Sheppard's unconscious body over his shoulders and sprinted through the forest toward the Stargate. Rodney followed Ronon, and Teyla was close behind him, her heart thumping in her throat as she darted around fallen logs and large jutting boulders. Sheppard had been hit more than once by stunner blasts – once to his chest and two more to his back – and she knew that he could be unconscious for a long while because of it. Worse, she also knew that when he finally did wake up, he would be quite impossible to deal with.

As Rodney dialed the address for Atlantis, Teyla made Ronon stop so she could check on Sheppard's condition. He was still breathing, which was good, but he was nowhere near conscious. Just to be sure, she lightly slapped his cheek, but there was no sign that he had felt it.

"Okay, let's go!" Rodney shouted at them. As soon as the energy in the Gate had stabilized, he ran up the few steps of the platform, then disappeared through the blue "puddle" in the Gate's center.

Turning to watch for Colonel Carter, Teyla nodded for Ronon to go ahead, and he obeyed, still carrying Sheppard as if he were no heavier than a sack of grain. A few moments later, Carter and Lorne appeared in the clearing, and Teyla joined them as they ran to safety on the other side of the Gate.

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><p>Back on Atlantis, Teyla stored her weapons and tac vest, then rushed down to the infirmary to check on the colonel. When she entered the room, Doctor Keller looked up and gave her an encouraging smile.<p>

"He'll be okay," Keller assured her, putting a hand on Teyla's shoulder.

Teyla nodded, returning the smile. "Is he awake yet?"

"Not yet. But when he does, he's gonna have the worst case of pins-and-needles ever known." Then, she stepped to the side, revealing the other half of Sheppard's team, who were sitting to the left of his sleeping form. For once, Rodney was completely silent as he sat there, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. "You might as well join them, keep them quiet so Sheppard can sleep."

"Of course. Thank you, Jennifer."

Keller lifted her hands, palms up. "It's just my job." She laughed. "You're welcome. Let me know when he wakes up, just so I can be sure he's all right."

"Very well."

Keller walked away, and Teyla stepped over to her friends, lightly resting one hand on each of the seated men's shoulders. Rodney jumped and looked up, but when he saw who it was, he gave her a weak smile and went back to watching Sheppard sleep.

Though Ronon didn't move, he uttered a "Hey," to her, and she returned the greeting with a slight squeeze of her hand.

"He will be fine, you know," she said to them then. "He is only sleeping."

"It's all my fault," Rodney breathed, blinking a few times. "He saw I was about to get hit, and he knocked me out of the way."

She patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Rodney, it is no one's fault. Do not blame yourself."

"I should've just stayed back like he told me to!" He cried, pushing her hand away. "Don't you understand? You…"

"Are all making _way_ too much noise in an infirmary!" A voice scolded them.

At Sheppard's rebuke, Teyla's shoulders stiffened, and she glared at Rodney. Then, she put a smile on her face, and turned to face the colonel.

"We are sorry, John. It is good to see you awake."

"What happened?" He asked her, looking down and noticing that for once, he was not hooked up to any of the usual machines.

Knowing that he appreciated brief, yet complete, explanations, she explained, "You were hit by multiple stunner-blasts. Ronon carried you through the Stargate and brought you down here."

Sheppard nodded his understanding, as Rodney leaned forward and added, "You were protecting me, because I didn't listen to you when you told me to hide."

The colonel merely shrugged. "If you had listened to me, we would never have been able to retrieve that ZPM." Rodney opened his mouth to protest, but Sheppard gave him a look, and he sat back, defeated. Then, Sheppard added, "You did good, Rodney."

"I did?" The physicist asked. At Sheppard's nod, he grinned widely. "Huh! I guess I did!" He stood up and stepped over to the bed, clapping Sheppard heartily on the shoulder. "Thanks, John."

As he turned to leave, Teyla asked, "Where are you going?"

Rodney turned again to look at her. "Oh. I'm going to brag to Zelenka." Apparently oblivious to the incredulous stares he was getting, he waved at them. "See you guys later!"

When he had gone, Ronon sniffed and said, "Nice. You know he's gonna be a pain in the –"

"Yeah, I know," Sheppard interjected before Ronon could finish the thought. "But even a guy with a huge ego needs some encouragement now and then."

Her eyes wide with admiration, Teyla said, "That was very nice of you, John."

He shrugged. "Besides, his whining was giving me a headache."

Despite the exasperated, yet playful slap Teyla gave him, he and Ronon both burst out laughing, and she soon joined them. Sheppard's laugh was contagious, and she had not heard it in such a long time; it felt like things were finally getting back to normal.

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><p><em>Should have the next one up in a day or so! Hope you've enjoyed them so far!<em>


	4. ShepWhump: Imprisoned

_AN: Ahhh, finally, another installment! This one gave me problems, because the way I wrote it originally made it hard to find a place to stop. I wanted to turn it into a full story, apparently, as it was already 5 pages before I realized how long it was! LOL Anyway, I changed a few things around, and...voila! _

_Enjoy, and blahblahreviewblah...LOL  
><em>

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><p><span>Imprisoned<span>

Three days.

John Sheppard turned away from the window and slid back down the wall of the cell, his knee and right arm both aching badly. As he stretched his long legs straight in front of him, he nudged the shoulder of the man who lay sprawled beside him.

"Hey, McKay," he called, "get up."

Rodney stirred, but though his eyelids fluttered, they did not open. He moaned softly into the dirt, and Sheppard's heart rate upped itself a notch. His friend did not look good at all; if he didn't get him out of here soon, he might not make it. Pushing harder on Rodney's shoulder, he tried again.

"Come on, McKay!"

This time, the scientist's blue eyes flew open, and he wearily turned himself over onto his back. He glanced up and saw Sheppard staring down at him, concern clear in his hazel eyes.

"Hey," Sheppard greeted him.

Sitting up, Rodney looked around and asked, "How long've we been here?"

"Three days. But don't worry; we're gonna get you out of here. Today."

McKay scoffed. "Sure we are."

Sheppard shot him a look, but it softened as he took in the full extent of his friend's injuries. An arm that was most likely broken, a gash on his cheek, and another above his right eye. Yesterday, as Rodney had washed up at the tiny water bucket their captors left them, Sheppard had also seen a score of various bruises covering his back and wrapping all the way around to his chest. When Rodney pulled up his pant leg to scratch his calf, Sheppard counted yet another wound on the man's shin.

"I'm serious," he replied, his gaze sincere. "I've been thinking about this all night."

Though McKay scoffed again, his expression turned hopeful, and he shifted closer to Sheppard, leaning in so the colonel wouldn't have to speak too loudly and risk being overheard.

"We know that they're after the Ancient gene, right? I mean, they at least want the gene therapy, so they can operate the equipment here in their complex."

"The Ancient complex that they've taken _over_, you mean," Rodney corrected, nodding even as he spoke.

Sheppard waved dismissively. "Whatever. Point is, they want the gene."

"Right."

"So, I say we give it to them."

McKay's eyes widened into saucers, horrified by what Sheppard was saying. "I'm sorry; do you have a head wound I don't know about? Are you even hearing yourself?"

Sheppard inhaled sharply, then forced himself to calmly reply, "My gene is natural, Rodney, and stronger. They don't need you like they need me. I'm gonna talk to Calen and tell him that if he lets you go, I'll stay behind willingly. Let them test their gene-replicator thingy on me."

"No." Rodney's head shook violently back and forth. "No, I will _not_ let you do that."

"It's your only chance, Rodney."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving here without you, John."

"McKay."

The tone of Sheppard's voice made him look up, and he could not ignore the solemn gaze in the colonel's eyes, the way his jaw was clenched tightly. His mind had already been made up, Rodney realized then; it would take nothing short of a miracle to change it.

"We'll think of something else. Carter will…"

"Will what, Rodney?" Sheppard shouted angrily. "Rescue us?"

McKay nodded emphatically. "Yes, exactly!"

His mouth turned down in a sullen frown, Sheppard muttered, "They aren't coming."

"How can you say that, John? It's only been a few days! When Michael took Teyla, everyone on Atlantis – including you – searched for her for months!"

"This is different."

Rodney flung his hands into the air helplessly. "How? Besides the obvious fact that neither of us is either a woman, nor pregnant…"

"Not funny, McKay," Sheppard interjected.

"I'm not trying to be, really. The point is, this is no different from then. In fact, from here the only difference I can see is that now you're giving up."

Sheppard shook his head, but Rodney was too worked up to stop now. "No, you are. Look, I know I'm not the best fighter, the best…well, really, the only thing I'm good for is my genius, but I'd rather die beside you, fighting for our lives, than leave you behind like a coward. So, you can just forget about that whole plan you've thought up, because I'm not going to go along with it!"

Worn out from this speech, Rodney flopped down on the ground, ignoring the jolt of pain that ran through his body as he did. He gazed pointedly at Sheppard for a few moments, then tossed his arm across his eyes, blocking any light from reaching them.

Sheppard stared at his friend, amazed, and equally aggravated. Why couldn't Rodney see that he was trying to save his life? That he, John Sheppard, was giving him the best chance of survival, because he found his intelligence to be worth more than any of John's so-called abilities? Rodney was already so banged up, so…in pain, John couldn't bear to see him go through any more.

But what Rodney had said about staying and fighting touched Sheppard like nothing else, and he cursed as he found himself mentally scrapping his original plan. He hadn't really been that keen on staying behind, anyway – the thought of getting stuck by scores of needles made him shudder.

"Okay," he finally said, quietly. When Rodney didn't move, he cleared his throat and tried again. "All right, Rodney. You win."

This time, Rodney did look at him, by moving his arm upward and peering out under his elbow. "What?"

"I said, you win. We'll figure something else out."

The grin that beamed across his scientist-friend's face quickly grew contagious, and Sheppard smiled in return.

With any luck, they might just get out of here.

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><p><em>Next chapter to follow soon!<em>


	5. ShepWhump: Imprisoned Pt 2

_AN: This is Part 2 of Imprisoned, in the ShepWhump series. I originally wrote it differently, and was going to continue it as a story, but as I went on, I found a new direction for it, and ended up leaving it as a short story - longer than a OneShot, but shorter than, well, a regular story. Anyway, enjoy Part 2. Next up, Shep gets Whumped by the Wraith. Expect physical and emotional Whumpage! Oh, yeah!_

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><p><em>"Okay," he finally said, quietly. When Rodney didn't move, he cleared his throat and tried again. "All right, Rodney. You win."<em>

_This time, Rodney did look at him, by moving his arm upward and peering out under his elbow. "What?"_

_"I said, you win. We'll figure something else out."_

_The grin that beamed across his scientist-friend's face quickly grew contagious, and Sheppard smiled in return._

_With any luck, they might just get out of here._

The scientist grinned and sat back up, anxiously rubbing his hands together. "Good, because while you've been sitting there wrestling with your own stubbornness, I've been working on a plan."

Sheppard narrowed his eyes at him, at the same time wondering if he was really that transparent, or if Rodney only knew him well enough to take a guess at what he'd been thinking about. He decided to go with the second choice, as it was slightly less disturbing.

"You have?"

Rodney nodded. "Remember that time we were stranded on the East Pier, and the radios wouldn't reach far enough to call for help?"

"Sure." As he understood what his friend was getting at, Sheppard's eyes widened. "You hooked them into the city-wide." He looked around him, the walls of their prison seeming even grayer and bleaker than before. "Only one problem, Rodney."

McKay was already ahead of him, however, and waved dismissively, failing to hide a grimace as he moved so vigorously. "I know. There's no way to do that from in here. That's why we're gonna go with your plan."

Now, Sheppard was confused. "I'm sorry? I thought you told me to forget my 'ridiculous' plan."

"I never said it was ridiculous. Anyway, we're not following the whole thing, just one, teensy-tiny little part."

"Which part?"

"The part where you – well, we – request a meeting with…" he snapped his fingers, trying to recall the name Sheppard had mentioned.

"Calen," Sheppard volunteered, and Rodney nodded.

"Right. Calen. We go and meet with him, and you distract him while I reconfigure the subspace communications to send out an SOS to Atlantis."

Sheppard shook his head. "Again, problem. Do you really think he'll let you sneak off somewhere alone? And, more importantly, don't you think he'll have guards in the room with him? How do you expect to sneak past them?"

Rodney seemed tired again, and lay back down on the dirty floor of the cell. Sighing loudly, he said, "You know, I'm supposed to be the pessimistic one here, not you."

"I'm just saying…"

"Yeah? Well, _I'm_ just saying that we need to get out of here and get help, and so far sitting around on our asses hasn't really done any good, now has it? Now, you can either come up with a better plan, or follow along with mine. I really don't care either way, as long as you quit shooting my ideas down every time I open my mouth."

Again, Sheppard was quiet as he contemplated the options Rodney had given him. True, the scientist's plan was fraught with potential problems, but right now, it was their best course of action. Either he called for a meeting with Calen, or they both wasted away in the same God-forsaken cell, getting sicker and weaker by the minute. At least, that was, until they started experimenting on them.

Using the bars on the door to pull himself up, Sheppard bellowed for the guard, who stood on the other side of a brick wall a dozen feet away. A moment later, the guard entered the room, glowering darkly at them.

"What is it?" He asked gruffly, and Sheppard fought the sudden urge to chuckle aloud. The guard looked like he could have been one of Ronon's relatives – complete with long, dark hair and a scruffy goatee – but he was much shorter and thinner than their Satedan friend.

"I…we want to see Calen, please," Sheppard said, his voice as easy and non-confrontational as possible. Behind his back, he crossed his fingers, and Rodney only mentally copied the gesture.

The guard smirked at him. "Calen don't see nobody 'til after lunch."

Aware that he needed to act fast if he wished not to lose this opportunity, Sheppard hastily replied, "It's very important. I…I wish to trade my freedom for my friend's."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, his shoulders tensed up, as if he could actually feel Rodney's eyes burning two holes into his back. He only hoped that the man would keep quiet until the guard left, and he could explain.

The guard seemed to ponder this for a moment, and then nodded. "Okay. I'll tell him."

Sheppard was so relieved at this that his knees nearly gave out on him. "Great!" he exclaimed. "But we have to go together."

With a final nod, the guard left, and Rodney huffed impatiently at Sheppard, who said, "I'm not really gonna trade myself for you, Rodney. I just said that so he'd convince Calen to talk to us."

"Uh huh. Right," he replied, peeling off the tattered remains of his field jacket, then balling it up and using it as a pillow.

Sighing heavily, Sheppard planted himself back on the ground beside him. "Would you quit being such a girl? I promise you, we are both leaving this place, together. Okay?"

His friend studied him for a moment, then nodded. "Fine."

The guard returned an hour later, a smug grin plastered on his goateed face. Sheppard woke just as the man began to unlock the cell door, pushing his weary body off the dirt floor.

"Finally," he muttered, shaking Rodney awake. "Hey, buddy. Time to go."

As Rodney's eyes fluttered open, the guard shook his head. "Not so fast. Calen said he will see you – Sheppard. That one – " he pointed at Rodney "– stays here."

Sheppard inhaled sharply, biting back a curse. "I thought I made it clear that I wouldn't deal unless we both went together."

The guard shrugged. "If you wish, I could lock the door again…"

Sheppard stuck his hand into the opening between the door and the cell wall, before the guard could close it. "No! No, I'll go alone."

Rodney made a noise behind him, but he ignored it. There was a time to be compassionate, but this was not that time. Sheppard stepped out of the cell, then waited patiently as the guard locked the door again. Before he left the room, he caught Rodney's eye and nodded slightly, the only motion of reassurance he could give him. Rodney glared in return, then turned away to look out the window.

As he followed the guard through the halls of Calen's palace, Sheppard pondered whether Rodney had been right to be angry with him. He was, after all, about to bargain with an enemy for his best friend's freedom. And while it sounded like the best solution available, something way back in the corner of his mind told him that he was being stupid for giving up on a rescue. When, in the past few years, had Atlantis ever failed him? When had they ever willingly left a man behind?

_Never,_ his heart answered for him. They'd never forgotten about him, about anyone, no matter how long it took. He remembered what Rodney had said about Teyla, about how obsessed he had become about finding her, even at the cost of his own health and safety. When they'd actually rescued her, Sheppard had a deep wound in his side and severe blood loss; by all rights, he should have been dead himself. Did he really think anyone on Atlantis would refuse to do the same for him?

_Why, yes, actually_, he thought. I mean, it's not like they couldn't find another Lt. Colonel to take my place. _But_, the other side of him – the one that sounded suspiciously like Rodney – reasoned, _it wouldn't be you, John_. _There's only one John Sheppard._

"Ah, Colonel Sheppard," Calen's haughty voice echoed through the throne room, and Sheppard found himself hating the man seated before him even more, if that were possible. "I hear that you have decided to accept my offer."

Sheppard tried to smile, but it came out looking more like a snarl. "Only because Rodney is getting sick down there. Pretty sure at least his leg is infected."

Calen adjusted his robes and waved his hand. "A simple enough thing to fix. Just give me your allegiance, and your word that you will not try to escape, and he may go free."

John looked around him, noting the heavy tapestries, the thick marble floors. Everything around him seemed rich, and it made him angry to know that while Calen and his servants lived up here in perfect comfort, he and Rodney had been left in what could best be called a damp cellar to rot.

Keeping his voice light, he replied, "You promise to contact my people? To make sure he gets to the correct address, and not some imaginary planet out there?"

Calen nodded almost gleefully. "Of course, of course."

Letting out a defeated sigh, Sheppard rubbed a hand through his hair. He had just opened his mouth to speak, when sudden shouts rang out from the hallway, followed by what sounded like gunfire.

Calen jumped to his feet. "Go and see what all that racket is!"

The guards in the throne room hurried out into the hall, but they were instantly cut down by more bullets. Confused, Sheppard ran toward the cover of a thick, wooden table. Before he could get there, however, Calen wrapped his arm around John's neck and yanked him to a sudden stop. Holding a deadly-looking knife to his jugular vein, Calen warned him, "Don't move, or I'll slice your throat open."

Struggling to breathe around the leader's well-muscled arm, Sheppard allowed the man to lead him forward, careful to keep the tip of the knife from digging too far into his flesh.

"Let him go, Calen!" Major Lorne's voice echoed from across the room. Sheppard gazed at his XO, at first wondering if he was dreaming – or worse, hallucinating. Then, the knife bit into his skin, drawing blood, and he realized that it was real.

They had come for him, after all.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Calen replied, squeezing his arm tighter around John's neck. "We need him."

Before anyone could make another move, a shot rang out, and Calen's grip immediately loosened. The knife clattered to the ground as the man slumped dead behind Sheppard, a bullet hole clearly outlined in his forehead.

Sheppard's gaze snapped back to Lorne, who looked as confused as he was, and then noticed someone stepping out from behind the Marine's back.

"Teyla?"

She nodded at him, her eyes solemn, then asked, "Are you all right?"

Just then, he remembered the small nick he'd received from Calen's knife, and gingerly touched his neck. His fingers came away with only a slight trace of blood, and he nodded. "Fine. Where's Rodney?"

"Already en route to the gate," Lorne supplied as he came forward. He wrapped his arm around Sheppard's middle, supporting his weight, and the three of them led the way out of the throne room. Lorne's team was still in the hallway, and they immediately broke out into cheers as Sheppard emerged, carefully patting him on the back and saying how glad they were to see him, before returning to the task of clearing away the dead guards' bodies.

"How…?" Sheppard asked his two companions. Teyla smiled wryly as she shifted her shoulder under his arm.

"It was not easy," she admitted.

When they finally returned to the Gate Room on Atlantis, Sheppard was so relieved he could have cried. The hum of the city instantly reached out to him, wrapping him in her warm presence, and he greeted her in return. The two friends helping him stay upright slowed to a stop, allowing him a moment to simply gaze around, taking in and re-memorizing every inch of his beloved city. His eyes swept upward, toward the control room, and saw more familiar faces there. Zelenka, with his owl-like eyes; Carter, her blond hair braided down her back, giving him a nod of encouragement; Ronon, his massive arms crossed loosely over his chest, his goatee unable to hide the smile of relief.

"Rodney?" Sheppard suddenly asked, his gaze searching the room for his friend. "Where's Rodney?"

Teyla shared a concerned look with Lorne before saying, "He's in the infirmary, John. He was injured, remember?"

Sheppard nodded then, letting out a shaky breath. "Right. His arm was broken, and his leg was cut up."

He allowed Lorne and Teyla to lead him down to the infirmary, smiling as yet more people welcomed him back. It was nice to be missed, he decided then.

And, it was even nicer to be back home.


	6. ShepWhump: Drained Pt 1

_An: This is another 2-part "one shot". Ha! Apparently I'm not that great at one-shots. Who knew? *shrugs* Anyway, enjoy!_

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><p><span>Drained - Part One<span>

The Wraith released his hold against Sheppard's chest, the cold of the Hive ship causing the bleeding wound to sting horribly. Sheppard sucked in a lungful of air, then another, and sank against the chair he was bound into. Sweat trickled down his face and chest, and he longed to be able to wipe it away. Even if his hands had not been tied behind his back, the Wraith had fed on him enough to drain most of his energy, leaving him too weak to move. His eyes felt heavy, but he fought to keep them open, using the time-honored technique of biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to make himself stay awake.

"Show me the coordinates to Earth," the Wraith growled at Sheppard, his pointed teeth mere inches from his face. In his hands was a tablet, not unlike Rodney's computer back on Atlantis, its screen proclaiming that it was waiting for input.

Sheppard shook his head, though it made his vision swim dangerously. "Not a chance."

The Wraith hissed angrily. "You are a fool, Sheppard."

"Maybe. But I'd rather be a 'fool' than someone who willingly gave up billions of lives to someone like you."

"We would not require so many. Perhaps one million would satisfy our numbers." The Wraith hooked a long-nailed finger under Sheppard's chin, lifting his head so that he looked into the Wraith's amber, cat-like eyes. "So, you see, we Wraith are not so unreasonable." He thrust the tablet again at Sheppard. "Give me the coordinates, and you will be set free."

"A million is still too many," the colonel replied. "_One_ is too many."

Now enraged, the Wraith slammed his palm against Sheppard's chest once more. A pain-filled scream tore from the man's throat, echoing off the walls of the ship, as the creature sucked yet more of his life from him. His vision blacked, threatening to send him into unconsciousness, and he knew that if he gave in, he would never wake up. Steeling himself against the wave of nausea rolling through him, he lifted his eyes toward the ceiling, concentrating on breathing. It seemed like forever before the Wraith finally released him again, the feeding wound gushing new blood down his chest, soaking into the waist of his blue uniform pants.

When he had caught some of his breath back, Sheppard looked at the Wraith, his mouth just barely succeeding to turn upward in a smirk. He started to speak, but at first nothing came but a croaking sound, so he cleared his throat, licked his desert-dry lips, and tried again.

"You...can keep sucking my life...if you want. But...I'll never tell you." He heaved in a breath, ignoring the searing pain in his chest as he did so. "You...might as well...kill me."

The Wraith stared at him, curiosity reigning on its ugly face. He seemed to be trying to work out whether Sheppard was telling the truth or not, to find some visual cue to his sincerity. Finally, he nodded slowly, a small smile coming onto his thin lips.

"Yes," he hissed then. "Yes, I believe you speak the truth. In that case..." he turned to one of his soldiers, gesturing with one hand. The soldier nodded and hurried off, onto whatever task his leader had sent him. "Since it has become pointless to injure you, physically, then perhaps a new tactic is necessary."

Blinking a few times to clear away his blurred vision, Sheppard noticed that the soldier had just returned, and in his grasp, a familiar head of golden-brown hair struggled to escape.

"Teyla," he breathed, his heart leaping into his chest. Instantly sure of where this new scenario was headed, he swallowed against the lump in his throat, carefully burying all of his emotions under his resolve.

"Bring her forward," The Wraith ordered the soldier, who wordlessly tugged her in their direction, then threw her at his master's feet. She landed between Sheppard and their captor, her hands splayed out under her to keep herself from smashing into the particularly sharp edge of a nearby console. As the guard stepped away, the Wraith reached down and grabbed hold of Teyla's long hair, and she instantly scrambled onto her feet, to prevent him from pulling it out of her head. When she was fully upright, she let her gaze rest on Sheppard, her brown eyes showing her concern for his condition. He tried to give her a smile, but it faded on his lips when he saw the purple bruise on the side of her face. She gave him a slight shake of her head, warning him to stay silent, and though he nodded in return, she could tell that he was clenching his jaw tightly.

"Perhaps if I were to threaten you with taking _her_ life, you would become more...cooperative," the Wraith sneered, his feeding hand poised over Teyla's heart.

"That would be pretty low...even for you," Sheppard replied. "But...still won't do it."

The creature was puzzled by the man's stoicism. Here he stood, threatening to kill the colonel's teammate, friend – who knew what other terms could describe her to him – and Sheppard simply sat there, flat out refusing to do as he asked! It was unbelievable; and yet more inconceivable was the fact that a mere human should have the audacity to deny him what he sought – food.

Survival.

Rather than show his confusion, the Wraith merely shrugged. "Very well. I hope you have said your goodbyes."

For an instant, panic flickered in Sheppard's hazel eyes, just before the creature's hand made contact with Teyla's chest, and it seemed as if he would cry out, as if he would try to bargain for her life after all. As her legs gave out under her, however, his expression changed. No longer was there fear in his eyes, but anger, and something worse...The Wraith searched his knowledge of human vocabulary until he found the correct word – vengeance. _Yes_, he nodded inwardly, as he took just enough of the woman's strength to teach the lesson he wished to demonstrate, Sheppard was at that very moment silently vowing to rain vengeance upon him – upon all Wraith, perhaps – for hurting her.

As the Wraith released his hold on her, Teyla slid forward to the ground, on her stomach. Her face was turned toward Sheppard, and though her eyes lit upon his face, she seemed not to recognize him, the pain within her was so great. As she curled in onto herself, the wound on her chest burning like fire, her gaze raked over him, and he stared back, wordlessly trying to comfort her, to tell her he was sorry. Finally, as the pain ebbed slightly, she acknowledged him, her eyes flicking from his face to his right knee, then back again. He understood what she was telling him – that she recalled the presence of a certain scar, on the back of his knee, that he'd received at the hand of the Wraith a while ago. It was a silent code they had developed, for just such a time as this, and it meant she was alright, and that the "plan" was still in place. He flicked his eyes back, from her face to the Wraith, and she gave a slight nod. He understood, she knew then.

"We shall try again, Colonel Sheppard. Will you cooperate?" The Wraith asked him, coming to stand over Teyla's prone form. She looked unconscious to him, her body was so still, the only motion the rise and fall of her breathing, and he took the moment to congratulate himself. He could feel her strength running throughout him, a tingling sensation that reminded him how alive he was.

Sheppard shook his head. "Never."

"I must say," the Wraith said as he began to reach for Teyla again, "your resolve impresses me."

Sheppard managed a grin at that. "Nothing to do with...resolve. I'm just...stubborn."

"In any case...I will be sorry to see that trait broken, along with the rest of your will."

The Wraith lifted his hand, readying it for another feeding session, but Sheppard hurriedly said, "Hey. Your guards...getting pretty lazy, you know."

Teyla breathed a silent sigh of relief as the Wraith stood up again, focusing all of his attention on Sheppard rather than on her. "What do you mean?"

Sheppard shrugged. "They missed the second team."

Still confused, the Wraith looked around. Seeing nothing, he turned back to Sheppard. "Perhaps the stress of this...visit...has gotten to you, Colonel."

Now, Sheppard chuckled aloud, but the sound was drowned out by the whine of Ronon's stunner, which had since been pressed against the back of the creature's head.

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><p><em>TBC...<em>


	7. ShepWhump: Drained Pt 2

Drained - Part Two

_Still confused, the Wraith looked around. Seeing nothing, he turned back to Sheppard. "Perhaps the stress of this...visit...has gotten to you, Colonel."_

_Now, Sheppard chuckled aloud, but the sound was drowned out by the whine of Ronon's stunner, which had since been pressed against the back of the creature's head._

"Not likely," the Satedan rumbled. He spared a glance at Sheppard, who seemed tired, as well as a little grayer around the temples. "You okay?"

"I'll make it."

"Teyla?"

She shakily got to her feet not far away from where he stood, using a console to steady herself. "I am here."

Ronon pressed the gun tighter against the Wraith's head. "Give back what you took. From both of them."

The Wraith hissed, but when he heard the setting on Ronon's weapon change from "stun" to "kill", he growled, "Very well."

Carefully, never taking his eyes off the Wraith, Ronon pushed him toward Teyla first. She stood still, her gaze cautious as the Wraith slowly placed his palm against her chest and returned the energy he'd taken from her. She could actually feel it returning, rolling over her like the waves of the ocean, cool and refreshing.

Next was Sheppard, and though the initial action of reopening the feeding mark hurt terribly, the surge of adrenaline that followed it dulled it to little more than an ache. Restoring him took quite a bit longer, since he'd been fed on more than once, but when the Wraith was finally finished, he felt as if he could run a marathon.

"Where is McKay?" Teyla asked Ronon.

He jerked his head backward, still refusing to turn his gaze from the Wraith. "Dart Hangar. Waiting for us."

Sheppard couldn't resist a playful jab at their friend. "Probably hiding in the forward section, under the control console."

Teyla shot him a look, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips, and he smirked back. Truthfully, she would not mind if he cracked jokes for the next week straight; she was so glad to see him alive, so young-looking.

As Teyla stepped over to unbind Sheppard from the chair, Ronon used his gun to gesture toward the Wraith. "What should I do with that?"

His hands finally free, Sheppard sighed and rolled his shoulders, relishing the return of blood flow to his arms. It stung, but it was the good kind of pain, the kind that meant that he was still alive. "Dunno." He looked to Teyla, who had busied herself with gently rubbing his chafed wrists, trying to turn his blue-tinged fingers pink again. "Teyla?"

She stopped what she was doing, and stared fully into the Wraith's face. Very slowly, deliberately, she curled her lip in a sneer and said, "Make him suffer."

Confused by her sudden coldness, Ronon looked again to Sheppard, who simply shrugged.

"Okay," Ronon replied, and moved his gun down a foot and to the right, then fired. The Wraith screamed in pain and lifted its right hand, which now sported a charred hole right in the middle, where its feeding organ had been.

"Good luck feeding on humans," Sheppard commented, as he followed Ronon and Teyla out of the room, toward the Dart hangar.

They could still hear the Wraith's agonized screams as they rushed into the hangar, where Rodney waited anxiously for them. He paced up and down the ramp of a Puddle Jumper, a P-90 looking very out of place cradled in his arms.

"Oh, thank God," the physicist breathed as he saw Sheppard bringing up the rear of the group. "We need to go, right now!"

"Good to see you, too, Rodney," Sheppard replied, running past him to slide into the driver's seat. He slammed his fist on the control for the rear hatch, then mentally turned the Jumper on. She instantly roared to life, and he breathed a sigh of relief, at first worried that for the first time ever, she wouldn't respond to him.

"No, really, guys. We need to get off this hive ship."

Curious, Sheppard turned around to face him. "Why is that, exactly?"

Rodney nervously wrung his hands. "Um...it's going to explode?"

"It's _what_?"

Ronon and Teyla exchanged worried glances, as Sheppard lifted the Jumper off the floor of the hangar.

"I rigged it to explode," Rodney said again. He slipped into the seat beside Sheppard, his hands gripping the edge of the console in front of him. "That was the plan; Ronon was to rescue you two, while I hacked into the warp drive and created a feedback loop, causing it to overload and, inevitably, explode."

"Well, how long do we have?" Sheppard asked him, even as he pushed the Jumper to go faster. He could just see the bay door at the far end of the hangar, its open mouth seeming to taunt him, daring him to try and escape.

"Sixty seconds."

"McKay!"

Rodney became agitated again. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I tried to give us all enough time, but as I didn't know exactly how long it would take to rescue you, I had to basically guess, and we all know how I feel about arbitrary numbers!"

Reaching out to the Jumper with his mind, Sheppard begged it to push its speed to the limit. She readily complied, going faster than he'd ever seen one travel before, but it still didn't look like it would be enough.

"Crap," he muttered under his breath. Then, glancing quickly over his shoulder at his team, he shouted, "Hang on to something; this is gonna be close!"

Sure enough, the very moment they cleared the bay door, a huge explosion rocked the hive ship, effectively tearing it in half. The Jumper was caught at the outside edge of the shockwave, and pitched forward, hard. Everyone inside was likewise slammed forward, and though Sheppard managed to keep his face from slamming into the control panel, he was clipped in the back of the head by a loose piece of equipment. Wincing at the pain, he steered the Jumper through the remaining turbulence, mentally soothing her frazzled control conduits. When she was flying straight once again, he took the time to check on his team. Thankfully, they were all uninjured, and he sank back against his chair.

"Let's never do that again, okay?" He breathed, to no one in particular.

"Sounds good to me," Rodney replied, his voice full of the same gratitude.

Sheppard tapped the Jumper's com then. "Atlantis, this is Sheppard."

After a crackle and a short pause, Chuck's voice happily replied, "Colonel Sheppard, this is Atlantis. Go ahead."

"Colonel Carter around?"

"I'm here, Colonel," Carter called, and he guessed that she had just entered the control room and was still making her way over to Chuck's station. "Good to hear your voice."

He smiled. "Good to hear yours, too." He caught Rodney's eye, and the scientist actually grinned back. "The hive ship has been destroyed, and we're on our way home."

"We'll be waiting for you."

As he clicked off the radio, Sheppard turned around to look at his team once more. They all stared back, curious glances in each of their eyes, as he took a steadying breath and said, "I, uh...thank you. All of you. For coming after me."

Teyla smiled softly and placed her hand on his shoulder. "We would never abandon you, John."

Ronon said nothing, but heartily slapped his other shoulder. That gesture was enough for Sheppard; it told him all he needed to know.

Rodney also managed a smile, and though he refused to look at the colonel, anyone who knew him could tell he was likewise glad to have Sheppard back. "You're welcome, John." Then, a mischievous twinkle shone in his blue eyes, and he added, "Besides, who else would I beat with when we raced the remote-controlled cars?"

Sheppard laughed out loud, a sound that no one in that Jumper would ever take for granted again.

"In your dreams, McKay. In your dreams."


	8. ShepWhump: Deceived

_AN: Okay, so I KNOW it's been a LONG time since I've updated anything. I'm *really* really sorry! I've just been so busy lately, that writing has kind of slipped to second place for a while. Anyway, to fill in the time while you're waiting for more of my main story, "LEGOs and Love", I thought I'd upload a few chapters of ShepWhump. Some of these have been on my PC for a while, just waiting, and some of them I wrote real quick as the ideas came to me. _

_Without further ado, I give you these chapters. ENJOY!_

_PS...this particular oneshot is AU...in my world, Kanaan usually gets killed off, or takes himself out of Teyla's life in some way. Because his introduction wasn't fair in the first place. But anyway..._

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><p><span>Deceived<span>

Sheppard turned from the window that looked out over the city, a frown wrinkling his brow. A few feet away, Teyla stood with her back to him, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips.

"I do not understand why you are acting this way, John," she finally said. He could hear the slight hitch of tears in her voice, the sniffle she'd tried to hide. It made him feel bad, helpless, and that feeling made him angry.

Clenching his jaw, he ground out, "I'm 'acting this way' because you lied to me. You let me unknowingly put you in danger; and if that wasn't enough," he added, stepping closer, "it turned out to be for nothing! You could've been killed, Teyla!"

At this, she spun around. "And if I had, it would have been my choice! I knew what I was getting into, and even so, I was willing to give my life."

"For nothing?"

"Yes!"

"Why? Why would you let me put you in that position?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but he moved closer and held up his hand, cutting her off.

"If you'd died, what would I have told Torren? That his mother was killed on some dirty little planet far away, for a shred of information _that we already had_? And what would I do with him, with you not around? Send him off to the Athosian settlement to grow up? Oh, that would look real responsible, wouldn't it? Show how much of a leader I am, sending your kid off to people he barely knows!"

He glared down into her brown eyes. "You don't know how close you came, and that's what pisses me off. If Ronon hadn't been there…"

Her reply was soft, almost meek. "I know. And I am sorry that I deceived you." She glanced up into his face, trying to make him understand. "But if I had told you the truth, you would never have agreed to it."

"Damn right I wouldn't! No one in their right mind would've thought it was a good plan. But you still should've come to me first, instead of giving me some half-assed story and expecting me to play along."

"There was no time, John," she sighed, regretting it as soon as it was out of her mouth.

Sheppard's face reddened then. "There…there was no time?" He spluttered. "So, after all these years, after all we've _been_ through, you couldn't be bothered to find the time to let your team leader know what was going on? You didn't feel that there was enough _time_ to say, 'Hey, John, there's some guys on some planet that might know what the Wraith are up to, and we're gonna go talk to them'?"

Teyla leveled her gaze with his, though his hazel eyes burned her soul like a blazing fire. Seeing it made her just as angry, and she flatly replied, "It seems to me, now, that I have done everything wrong. Perhaps you would like to tell me just how you would have acted, were you in my position."

Though Sheppard was too much of a gentleman to ever hit a woman, still his fist clenched at his side, and he forced himself to take a step away from her. "You _know_ what I would've done. I would've told you everything, every tiny little detail, even if it meant that you said no. Because that's what teammates – what _friends_ – do. They don't keep secrets!"

Her eyes narrowed. "So, that is what this is all about? You are still angry with me for not telling you about Torren?"

"Don't you _dare_ turn this around on me," he warned her, his voice low. "This has nothing to do with that."

"I think it does," she replied, becoming bold once more. "You were hurt that I kept my pregnancy a secret from everyone, but especially from you."

"No. I was angry that you allowed me to send you on missions, some that resulted in fire-fights with the Wraith, while you carried a baby inside you. I was mad that I, through your keeping Torren a secret, could've gotten not just one person killed, but two."

She said nothing, but her quirked eyebrow drove him to continue. "And…okay, so maybe I was a little upset that you felt like you couldn't tell me. I thought we were friends…"

"We were, and we are," she interjected.

"…so when you finally told me, so long after you knew, it felt like you didn't trust me."

"So, you _were_ hurt."

He nodded. "I...I guess."

"I am sorry, John. I did trust you, as I still do. But finding my people was so important back then. I knew that if you knew, you would remove me from active duty."

"Sidelining you was a logical decision, Teyla," he replied, and she nodded.

"I realize that." Not wishing to discuss the past any further, she sighed and said, "In any case, I am sorry that I lied to you today."

He continued to stare at her silently for a while. Then, he asked, "Are you?"

"What do you mean…?"

"Are you really sorry, or are you just sorry that I called you out on it?"

"John…" she reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled away.

"No!" he shouted, his eyes darkening further as he paused to give himself time to calm down. "Listen, it's fine if you don't trust me, if you think I'm too much of an idiot to be able to handle myself among your other-worldly friends. God knows, I've screwed things like that up before. I mean, hell, because of me, Kanaan is dead. But at least respect me enough to answer my question truthfully, right now. Are you really sorry, or are you just upset that I found out?"

Teyla stared at him, her eyes full of hurt, as was her heart. Her lip began to tremble, and though she managed to stop that particular motion, she could not prevent tears from spilling down her cheeks.

"I am truly sorry, John. I never meant to hurt you, to make you lose your trust in me. Please, forgive me."

Sheppard stood there, again helpless as she struggled to control her emotions. He knew how hard it was for her to balance being both a woman, and a warrior. And now, recently, she had become a mother, just shortly before she lost her son's father. The reality of it hit him just then, making him suddenly understand just how much responsibility she had, both to her people and to those on Atlantis. Not only did she have to worry about the big things – like Wraith and Genii – but she also had to worry about the little milestones in her son's life – his first step, his first tooth, his first time sleeping through the night. And yet, despite the fact that she now had another life to care for, she still made herself available to the team, fighting alongside them even as she knew that she might not come back.

Casting off his wounded pride, he took two steps forward and folded her into his arms, her head nestled into the hollow of his collarbone. He pressed his cheek against her hair, his arms lightly squeezing her closer. She allowed herself to be held, though she wondered at his sudden show of comfort. He usually shied away from physical contact like a hug; whenever he found himself caught in one, his eyes normally widened and darted around, taking on the "deer in headlights" look, and his hands never quite knew just where to go.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice," he said then, and she began to relax, her body leaning against him as her hands slowly circled his torso. "Please, don't cry."

"Why not?" She asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

He pulled away just enough so he could look at her. His hands went to her face, his fingers gently wiping the tears from under her eyes. "Because," he murmured, "when you cry, it feels like all the angels in Heaven are crying, too."

Though the sentiment made her smile, as she had only recently learned about angels – from Rodney McKay, of all people – it also brought another wave of tears, and she buried her face against his chest. He sighed, wondering how he could possibly suck at this any worse, and wrapped his arms around her once more. _Help me out here_, he thought to no one in particular_. I'm so lost_.

Finally, she had calmed down, and lifted her head to peer at him curiously. He caught the look in her eyes, and furrowed his brow.

"What?" he asked.

"You are not usually the one to initiate physical contact."

He grinned sheepishly at that. "Yeah, well, it's not every day I act like a complete ass, either. I'm sorry."

"It is alright."

"I'm happy you have Torren. He's a great little kid."

She nodded. "He is. He is also beginning to resemble his father more every day."

At the mention of Kanaan, Sheppard felt the guilt crowding back into his heart. If it hadn't been for his interfering in the Athosians' affairs, Kanaan would still be alive. Teyla had assured him that it was not his fault, that the Ancestors had decided Kanaan's fate regardless of Sheppard's actions, but he refused to accept that. Because of him, Torren John Emmagen would grow up without a father. Bitterly, he thought of his own father, of how he had tried to control his sons' lives, but he knew that Kanaan had been very different. He would have encouraged Torren to become his own man, to do what he felt was right for him and not just what his father told him to.

"Teyla, I know that it hasn't been very long since..." he sighed, not able to bring himself to say the words aloud. "But there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while, and if I don't say something soon, I think I might go nuts."

Nodding, she led him to a nearby couch, pulling him down next to her as she sat on it. She took a moment to ready herself, and then turned to face him, giving him her full attention. Nervously, Sheppard cleared his throat, then gave her an uneasy smile.

"I...um..." he glanced upward, trying to collect his rambling thoughts into coherent statements, but it was hard to do with her gazing at him, her eyes so open and honest. "I have feelings...I think..." Frustrated, he blew out a sigh and decided to jump in with both feet. "I love you, Teyla."

She smiled. "I love you, too, John. You are a great friend..."

"No," he said, holding up his hand to stop her. "I mean, I _really_ love you. You know, really."

Her grin only widened some more, and she said, "I am aware of what you meant. I was only...kidding?"

His heart pounding in his chest, he could only manage a faint nod. "Oh. Okay. See I wasn't sure because sometimes Earth terms can be very different from Athosian ones, so..."

Now it was her turn to hold up a hand. "John?"

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Stop talking, and just kiss me."

A sly grin spread across his face. "You got it, ma'am."

Grasping her face in his hands, he pulled her toward him and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her almost as passionately as he had when he'd been infected by Elia and nearly turned into an Iratus bug. This time, however, she didn't try to pull away.

This time, she was the one who shoved him back against the wall, a wicked smile on her face. Sheppard grinned in return, his mental connection with the city ordering the lights to go out.


	9. ShepWhump: Drugged Pt1

Drugged - Part 1

When Carter slid into the Gate Room at 3 am, she was startled to see her top two senior officers standing nose-to-nose in front of a recently-landed Jumper, shouting at each other at the tops of their lungs. Rodney's face was beet-red, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. In contrast, Sheppard's hands flailed around them, his face contorted by the deepest frown she had ever seen.

"What the hell is your problem, McKay?" He was saying, "You were at the mission briefing; you knew what to expect when we got to the planet!"

"Yes, I did. But what I did not expect," Rodney replied, his voice growing in volume with each word, until he was fairly screaming, "was seeing you making out with every woman in the Goddamned place!" He heaved in a breath and added, "All at ONE TIME!"

"It's not my fault that you couldn't get a girl if you were the last man alive," Sheppard sneered, folding his arms over his chest and grinning, apparently quite pleased with himself.

Carter's eyebrows shot up at this. She knew that Sheppard and McKay often engaged in what she might call "playful" banter, but this was taking it too far, and she was prepared to see McKay come to the end of his rope as well. Quite unexpectedly, however, McKay merely smiled back, his lips full of sarcastic joy, and rocked back on his heels.

"Well," he said then, "at least I know for _sure_ that I don't have any...communicable diseases. How 'bout you? Any itching in your..." his gaze flicked down at Sheppard's lower half and then quickly back up at his face, "...intimate areas?"

Sheppard spluttered angrily, his face only now turning a deep shade of red. His pointer finger jabbed at McKay's chest. "You know what? Why don't you just go f-"

"Okay, gentlemen," Carter interjected, just in time. "I think a better idea would be for you each to get back to your quarters and cool down."

The two men glared at one another for another moment, and then simultaneously spun around and stalked in opposite directions. They had nearly reached their respective doorways when McKay suddenly turned back around and said, "Guess we'll know for sure if you're infected when Teyla comes down with something, eh Sheppard?"

Sheppard's lip curled in a snarl, and he sprinted so quickly across the Gate room at McKay that no one had the time to make a move to stop him. He flung himself at the physicist, tackling him to the ground with a yell worthy of the best Roman gladiator. Rodney had been ready for this; Carter could see it in the triumphant grin on his face, and it scared her more than Sheppard's intense fury did. The grin remained in place for quite some time, despite the heavy blow Sheppard landed on his jaw, turning the skin there purple.

"Take it back!" Sheppard growled as he reared his fist back for another hit.

Rodney just kept smiling. "What's the matter? Hit a nerve, there?"

"I swear to you, if you don't take it back, I'll kill you."

Carter's eyes widened as far as they could before they fell out of her head, and she looked around wildly for help. Ronon and Teyla must have left before she had entered the room, and she wondered if it was perhaps for the better. Ronon saw Sheppard as his leader, but if he thought the colonel was compromised in some way, he would not hesitate to pull his weapon. And Teyla, well, Carter knew she would have been embarrassed beyond words by Rodney's remark. No, it was better that neither of them were present for this...debacle.

Her desperate motion seemed to finally jolt the group of bystanders into action, especially Major Lorne, who boldly stepped forward and laid his hand on his superior's shoulder.

"Can't let you do that, sir," he told Sheppard, who refused to break his gaze away from Rodney's face.

"Then make him take it back," Sheppard ground out.

"Colonel," Carter finally spoke directly to him, "please remove yourself to your quarters. Now."

Sheppard shook his head, flinging droplets of sweat all over the floor as well as himself and Rodney. He squinted his eyes shut and then opened them again as he muttered, "Can't do that."

"Why not?" She asked, though she was already quite certain of the answer she would receive.

"Because," he replied patiently, as if he were explaining things to a pre-schooler, "he has to apologize first."

Rodney snorted. "You'll be waiting a long time, then. Never gonna happen."

Sheppard finally glared up at Carter, and she saw then how glassy his eyes were, how ashen his skin looked. She was careful not to let her eyes show any emotion, and dropped her arms from where they were folded across her chest, letting them hang at her sides instead.

"You see? He's being difficult on purpose!" He all but whined at her.

"Maybe. But that does not give you a right to hit him. Now, please stand up and come talk to me."

"But..."

"He isn't worth it, John. Please." She held out her hand, her blue eyes almost pleading, and he considered it for a moment. His eyes darted between McKay's face and her hand, and then finally he took her hand and let her haul him to his feet. She nodded covertly at Lorne, who nodded back that he understood and then helped Rodney up and quickly removed him from the room. One of Lorne's men hopped into the Jumper and began piloting it upward into the bay above the Gate room, and the others tried to look just as busy, carefully keeping their gaze away from the colonels'.

As Carter led Sheppard into the hallway, he glanced around and asked, "Where are we goin'?"

"Just for a walk," Carter replied, cursing at herself for lying to him. But she knew that if she told him where they were really going, he would flip out, and trying to catch the Military Ops Leader in this city – his city – would be next to impossible. She had a sneaking suspicion about why he was acting the way he was, but she needed more information, and he was the only one who could give it to her. So for now, her slight deception was fairly necessary. "What happened on the planet?"

"They threw us a party," Sheppard informed her, sounding rather proud. "They like us a lot."

Carter nodded. "I guess so. Did they serve drinks at this party?"

"Drinks?" He looked at her, confused. "Oh, you mean alcohol?"

She nodded, and he shook his head. "Nah. Just water, and this drink that kind of tasted like Dr. Pepper. Teyla had a sip, but she said it gave her a headache, and Ronon didn't want any, either. Rodney drank, like, a gallon of it, though." He giggled, and the sound disturbed Carter immensely. "He's gonna have to pee so bad pretty soon..."

"John," Carter sighed, trying to get him to focus again. "Was there anything else at this party? Any substance you didn't recognize?"

"Nope." He rubbed his hand across his forehead and grimaced when it came away wet. As he wiped his hand on his pants he asked, "Is the climate control on the fritz again? It's hot in here."

"I'll have Zelenka look at it," she promised him.

Suddenly, Sheppard stopped walking and looked at her, his head tilted slightly to one side. "Oh, I think I remember something else."

"Go ahead."

"The woman who threw the party. The, um, Counselor? She seemed a little...off."

"Off?" Carter repeated, curious. "How?"

He began to take a step forward, then shook his head, more at himself then at her. He heaved in a breath and leaned against the corridor wall. His face paled even more, and the sigh he exhaled sounded shaky. "She...kept watching me. Smiling." He glanced up at Carter, who had since stepped close to him, her hands out and ready to catch him if he stumbled. "But one time, I caught her hiding...a bottle...in her dress. I think...she did something..."

As she predicted he would, Sheppard lost consciousness then, his entire weight falling quickly toward the floor. But as she was prepared for this, Carter simply reached forward and caught him in her arms, slowly lowering him to the ground instead. She sighed and rolled her eyes to the ceiling before tapping her earpiece.

"Jennifer? I'm just outside the infirmary, and Colonel Sheppard's passed out."

"I'll be there in a minute," Keller replied from where she was, in Rodney's room. Right after Lorne had practically dumped him on his bed, the physicist had likewise lost the fight to stay conscious, and Jennifer couldn't say she wasn't glad. It was easier to treat him when he wasn't awake to complain about it. "Go ahead inside and grab a medic to help you get the colonel situated in a bed."

"Will do," Carter said, and switched off again. Breathing another sigh, she cast another glance at the unconscious man at her feet, then pushed through the infirmary's doors.

* * *

><p><em>TBC next chapter...<em>


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